A Slave To The Memories

I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.

@OfficialRussaw

Because Of That Day

You told me that you loved me, you made me feel that my presence was important
you said without me you’d be broken.
& then there came month 26 on that day you left me for someone who was more smoother skin & had more money than. On that day you said maybe we should be just friends. I guess they was just better than & i guess our situation was just for pretend.
Now I’m left broken over contemplating about you, sadly the broken grows when I’m more lost in these thoughts. Pride only allows me to go out when the precipitation is heavy. The rain becomes one with the tears that drip from my eyes it camouflages so no one notices that I’m feeling troubled. At every hour the pain seems to double. They say the pain will soon subside just go outside experience a sunny day, but its like I’m crippled, currently disabled, unable to be as mobile. I need someone by my side to help me reach the outside where the sun shines so bright & the night just never seems to awake. On the inside I’m hurting, i feel that i am the burden. Times like this brings forth the biggest confusion i want love, but then again i feel that i don’t need to be fused with a single soul so i push everyone away because of the pain that i still feel from that day. I’m over here suffering while you’re only out to fuck & mistreat, everyone thinks you’re a good person, but no one knows like I know the secrets you keep lowkey.

My Twitter Accounts: @RetroLove__  & @OfficialRussaw

Our Situation Is Complicated

All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

Condolences To The Bullshit

My condolences to the bullshit
May the problems rest in peace,
May my grip be retained,
May further attachments with you be
restrained, & may my composure be contained as I regain my brain that I’ve lost
In the process of loving you.
I was just another statistic I suppose, that couldn’t see the obvious, I was lost, blindfolded by all the false “I love you’s” that you’ve composed like a sweet symphony being orchestrated by an Orchestra I fell a victim of manipulation from its glorifying tone. But may the boundaries now surface as I depart from your existence.

Written By Brandon Russaw

GoodBye Trimmed Poem

The most hurtful thing to awake in the morning alone
Because
The one that you loved beyond all measures, The one that you were so attached to is no longer laying beside you
Their heart is no longer present 
It freely undulates in the breeze 
Inside I wish it were only a dream
It kills because I know it isn’t
It’s like a sharp pain to the chest
Like a fool I made the wrong move
In this game of chess
I’ve lost my valuables
I’ve Gambled you away
All in one day I’ve gambled you away
I hate it “that day” has arrived, Those hurtful words
But during the midst of this all I’m trying to adjust and just say that I’ll be ok and dissolve the pain
It is so that your absence may never be solved but I’ll be ok
By the grace of God I’ll live to see another day though my day may not be as bright as yesterday by gods grace I’ll be ok 

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

Insecurities Trimmed Poem

Insecurities

When you love someone so much
But you doubt the next day
All that goes through your mind is that everyone has “their day” 
every time you speak with that person you think to yourself “this is that day”
With little to say you grow angry
As you are very perplexed and curious on why your gut keeps telling you to move on to the next
So you put this person up to some foolish test, and the answers from it shall bring out the very best, good or bad if bad you publicly announce that you’re not sad, but truthfully you’re broken inside, it is because of pride you keep that inside, you claim to aim high but truthfully you’re stuck, those latches of attachments are wrapped around you like vise grips they won’t ease up, it weighs you down in quicksand, it tears your spirit apart it devours your heart.
You’re lost into the wrong estimation
The situation was simply a miscalculation
Or is it? You’re covered in filth, simply you lay in gilt because you deeply know that if your speculations are actually wrong you’d lose that person all because you felt that “this was that day” but needless to say this is that day, finally You’ll say goodbye, wish them luck and go your separate way. *Insecurities*

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

💦Phonetics Pleasures💦|The Poem|Trimmed Version

Phonetics Pleasures  💦😜👅

Was it worth the wait?

Baby you can confide in me
so “cum” here, lay next to me
I can be your ecstasy
I can be your mental flame
fulling your dreams and killing your pain
I can be your medication
or your forbidden temptation
so fuck procrastinating, a little dosage of this penetration
will fill up those walls with sensation
so lets get lost in these possibilities and surrender to serenity
as you lay I gently stroke my finger down your spine
goose bumps appears like surprise
as your body rocks and trembles
you scream out in falsetto as in a sudden shock
you’ve underestimated my capabilities
when I’m done caressing your spine and kissing your neck
imma lay you on your back
and lick you from chest to navel
imma do whats next
imma get you slippery wet
as i indulge in between your thighs
you become lost and hypnotized
your eyes begin to roll and your body,
you lose complete control
this “medication” helps you meditate
it’ll take you to a forgotten place that very few people have been
now sit back and contemplate, was it ever worth the wait? -Brandon R @OfficialRussaw

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed my ‪#‎Poetry‬👅😈😎

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Halo|The Poem|Trimmed Version

HALO

HALO 😇

Halo, halo, just how many people can remain angels around a bunch of Devils
Hello, hello she said hello to the fellow demon dressed in yellow with a mouth full of metal

He came in disguise
He was everything that she fantasized 
So she got Mellow, legs turned jello in the presence of this handsome young fellow but if she only knew that she was looking into the eyes of a devil 

He hypnotized her by the slurred of his word
He fed her many lies and she stayed consuming while he held out his pitch fork she came back for more and more thirds maybe, fourths, doubles turn into triples creating more of a ripple
He persuaded her to up the tempo, change her style a little and damage her temple she was mentally crippled
 Speaking of mental illness she’d kill for this guy, grabbing the metal and taking his pills she’d take the spill for this guy lock on any target and tell the fool goodbye.
She was blind to “the obvious” her eyes just couldn’t see the facts that “this wasn’t that” infact she was so twisted up mentally she had facts mixed up with fiction you see
He brutalized her mentally and it showed physically
Her heart was the “Play” and on a brighter day her soul remains in the hospital

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

A river of memories “The Poem”

Memories:

to look back on a day, on a time, to look back at a place that’s not there anymore
though its presence fails to exist I can still see it vividly as if it’s still there as it was years ago
for a fraction of a moment my eyes play a bitter trick on me, my eyes still see it as if it still resides, I’m lost focusing on this one moment of time and the friction of it is all time has moved on while I remain stuck in the past for this moment in time memories seem to be all that I have. Questions and regret soon began to emerge inside, why must I reminisce, why must I remember everything as if it was harmony and bliss the very prideful me tried hard to forget but these thoughts seemed to be too relentless so here I am, I come to accept it I’ve now put pride completely aside no more will I use the rain to cover up the tears that drips from my eyes these memories have lured into a very vulnerable part of my temple leading all the way down to my soul that is why now I am admitting I miss it, I miss everything about it, while it was in this time I wish I could have more acknowledged it but I didn’t so here I lay stuck with memories that never seem to fade completely away, memories that seem so real to reality on the tangible side it seems as if I can reach right out and grab it, I suffer mentally and it shows in every aspect of my physical being. ~Memories~