A Slave To The Memories

I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.

@OfficialRussaw

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

A river of memories “The Poem”

Memories:

to look back on a day, on a time, to look back at a place that’s not there anymore
though its presence fails to exist I can still see it vividly as if it’s still there as it was years ago
for a fraction of a moment my eyes play a bitter trick on me, my eyes still see it as if it still resides, I’m lost focusing on this one moment of time and the friction of it is all time has moved on while I remain stuck in the past for this moment in time memories seem to be all that I have. Questions and regret soon began to emerge inside, why must I reminisce, why must I remember everything as if it was harmony and bliss the very prideful me tried hard to forget but these thoughts seemed to be too relentless so here I am, I come to accept it I’ve now put pride completely aside no more will I use the rain to cover up the tears that drips from my eyes these memories have lured into a very vulnerable part of my temple leading all the way down to my soul that is why now I am admitting I miss it, I miss everything about it, while it was in this time I wish I could have more acknowledged it but I didn’t so here I lay stuck with memories that never seem to fade completely away, memories that seem so real to reality on the tangible side it seems as if I can reach right out and grab it, I suffer mentally and it shows in every aspect of my physical being. ~Memories~