A Slave To The Memories

I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.

@OfficialRussaw

Our Situation Is Complicated

All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

My Love Suffers

My love suffers & I can’t do anything about it, I’d be modest & wish her well, I’d wish with a snap of a finger her day goes well,
but of course this isn’t a fairytale & I’m not too good on luck all that i can do is lean on hope, but sometimes hope can be the equivalent to a joke as I endure brokenness everyday i am more & more incapable to cope its existence, hope is thinned in our fragile lives when nothing seems to go our way.

I pray to my highest for the best to come our way,
but nothing really changes, everything remains the same
we’re trapped in burden, engulf by sin, going around in circles paying a price that’s over priced.

The most painful thing in life is to watch you in pain,
I’ve watched you cry so much that it has become normal. These days you seem to be more demoralized as age catches up with you,

while your fingers acts as a vine it twists up on you & your voice go dry, & your hair turns gray, these days no one really seems to be truly intrigue in communicating with you all that you have is your mind

& in your mind all that you pray for is your abilities, to be as mobile again, but I guess the price is to high even for the love whose more than any star in the sky,
she’s the universe that gives me the world, & energy
though previously i didn’t act accordingly

I’d walk right by her like she didn’t exist
I’d talk around her like she weren’t present
but they say you don’t know what you have until its nearly gone
& once its gone you’d be in deep regret playing the memories
over & over again like some sad song.

This day as she goes down hill she smiles even while enduring the vilest, she’d give me her last & would only feel free when I’m happy. My love is suffering & I can’t do anything about it.
Continue reading

Insecurities Trimmed Poem

Insecurities

When you love someone so much
But you doubt the next day
All that goes through your mind is that everyone has “their day” 
every time you speak with that person you think to yourself “this is that day”
With little to say you grow angry
As you are very perplexed and curious on why your gut keeps telling you to move on to the next
So you put this person up to some foolish test, and the answers from it shall bring out the very best, good or bad if bad you publicly announce that you’re not sad, but truthfully you’re broken inside, it is because of pride you keep that inside, you claim to aim high but truthfully you’re stuck, those latches of attachments are wrapped around you like vise grips they won’t ease up, it weighs you down in quicksand, it tears your spirit apart it devours your heart.
You’re lost into the wrong estimation
The situation was simply a miscalculation
Or is it? You’re covered in filth, simply you lay in gilt because you deeply know that if your speculations are actually wrong you’d lose that person all because you felt that “this was that day” but needless to say this is that day, finally You’ll say goodbye, wish them luck and go your separate way. *Insecurities*

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

Squeeze My Troubles Free| The Poem| Trimmed Version

Squeeze My Troubles Free

I walk in a lonely path 

By a lonely creek 
Looking at broken glass 
Shattered all over the streets 
Each shattered glass represents memories of a painful past 
Look at last I’m free, I’m free!
At least that’s what it seems to be
In this life I’m only temporarily free
Pain seems to have just came and completely subdued me
I’m captivated in its presence and terrified by its ongoing memories
I can never be at any sort of ease
It just seems that maybe if i put the eagle to my head and just squeeeeezzze…..
my troubles will be free 
Free at last 

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Suck In The Pain Like Oxygen|The Poem|Trimmed Version

Suck in the pain like oxygen

Suck in the pain like oxygen

And fake a smile like a phenomenal actor execute’s a movie script
Have A celebration of acceleration
But don’t celebrate
You pretend to be happy but in reality 
You suffocate from deceleration
As your body creeps through a lonely like street
The pain “lies” so deep it burns as if it came straight from the barrel of the heat
It penetrate so deep through your temple, it fucks up your mental
Tears through your flesh and destroys your physical as you Pretend to be joyful

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Sip From My Soul (The Short Poem)

Sip From My Soul (The Short Poem)

Here take a sip of this, life
and get lost in the dark abyss
experience some joyful pleasures
that life may soon rebuttal with
soon after it, embrace the rain of pain
that leaves puddles of guilt
let the puddles continue to grow filth
and drown into a murky ocean
let the seas be parted but, not by the grace of a good heart
let the seas be depleted as the part creates a path for contamination
that unstable’s a noble heart
let a storm of regret build a form of hatred
as happiness is swept away from a nation
hope is allowed to dry as it remains as a raisin bruised by the baking sun
take a sip of my life feel the continuum of pain as it remains and explain to me what exactly is so spontaneous to
be blinded truthfully because your eyes lack its ableness to see reality.
If you will by the time you’ve experienced all of what I feel
you’d be physically exhausted and mentally ill
as you indulge into my experiences you’d be broken from an hour of its occurrences

A river of memories “The Poem”

Memories:

to look back on a day, on a time, to look back at a place that’s not there anymore
though its presence fails to exist I can still see it vividly as if it’s still there as it was years ago
for a fraction of a moment my eyes play a bitter trick on me, my eyes still see it as if it still resides, I’m lost focusing on this one moment of time and the friction of it is all time has moved on while I remain stuck in the past for this moment in time memories seem to be all that I have. Questions and regret soon began to emerge inside, why must I reminisce, why must I remember everything as if it was harmony and bliss the very prideful me tried hard to forget but these thoughts seemed to be too relentless so here I am, I come to accept it I’ve now put pride completely aside no more will I use the rain to cover up the tears that drips from my eyes these memories have lured into a very vulnerable part of my temple leading all the way down to my soul that is why now I am admitting I miss it, I miss everything about it, while it was in this time I wish I could have more acknowledged it but I didn’t so here I lay stuck with memories that never seem to fade completely away, memories that seem so real to reality on the tangible side it seems as if I can reach right out and grab it, I suffer mentally and it shows in every aspect of my physical being. ~Memories~

Poetry – Watch Who You’re Fucking With|Trimmed Version

Infatuated 

The only thing that caught his eye was her body, the stroke of her waist line immediately he acknowledges he wants her so he uses so many corny ass pickup lines just to get in between her thighs he told her many lies and the crazy thing is she believed it because it was all the things that she wanted to hear so within the same day she offers him a shot at a “real relationship”

because the qualification of his appearance was all that she needed, for that she bled all of her feelings out and fell in love within a week. To her, his appearance was life which contributed to her weakness, you know he was the cute type, the type that made most chicks gullible overnight

you see he knew that he had got her the first moment he acquired her visuals ever since that moment he plotted against her he had one goal in mind and that was to break her wall of boundaries down and believe me that task wasn’t easy for him it took time but he didn’t give a fuck he just wanted his nut so he began torturing her mind by feeding her all type of lies in time he grew bored with her and soon began to explore his great departure

after years of being mind fucked she’s completely used up, in a desperate attempt she tries to obtain his attention just for a little bit she opens up and expresses herself but of course he don’t wanna listen to none of it so she breaks down and cry and he replies with some cold shit “you crazy bitch” she grabs a knife and says I’ll show you crazy my nigga you don’t know who you fucking with

long story short she catches him and slices off his penis, like it wasn’t shit and fucks him in his ass with his own dick, now ain’t that some shit. the moral of this story is watch who you fucking with

Thank you all for reading I hope you all enjoyed reading my post. Stay tuned there will be more. Also I do apologize for the foul language I chose to use in my poem, I just believe it shouldn’t be any boundaries when it comes to writing and telling stories. Freedom Expressed! 🙏