Our Words Have Become Brief

These days  our words have become brief, we struggle to hold a conversation
it seems that you’ve lost interest
you tell me its nothing, but I ain’t stupid I know its something,
you say its complicated.
The bullshit contain it you see i know its somebody else that holds your attention
so you can resume deflecting, back peddling and stuttering while
yelling with your explanations. You’ve gotten yourself into a sticky situation.
The complication is birthed whenever
you start to break down those so called “facts” theoretically, trying to persuade me to believe that this isn’t that. You want me to overlook the obvious and pretend that your wrong doings didn’t exist, you want me to be stupid. What a waste of air when your facts is fornicated. Worthless half told truths, you can save it. Fact is you fucked somebody else while i fought for your attention, you turned your back on this relationship. But i’ve put myself in this wicked position i should’ve left you when i had that gut feeling. Now I’m stuck with these feelings.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

 

 

Our Situation Is Complicated

All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

My Love Suffers

My love suffers & I can’t do anything about it, I’d be modest & wish her well, I’d wish with a snap of a finger her day goes well,
but of course this isn’t a fairytale & I’m not too good on luck all that i can do is lean on hope, but sometimes hope can be the equivalent to a joke as I endure brokenness everyday i am more & more incapable to cope its existence, hope is thinned in our fragile lives when nothing seems to go our way.

I pray to my highest for the best to come our way,
but nothing really changes, everything remains the same
we’re trapped in burden, engulf by sin, going around in circles paying a price that’s over priced.

The most painful thing in life is to watch you in pain,
I’ve watched you cry so much that it has become normal. These days you seem to be more demoralized as age catches up with you,

while your fingers acts as a vine it twists up on you & your voice go dry, & your hair turns gray, these days no one really seems to be truly intrigue in communicating with you all that you have is your mind

& in your mind all that you pray for is your abilities, to be as mobile again, but I guess the price is to high even for the love whose more than any star in the sky,
she’s the universe that gives me the world, & energy
though previously i didn’t act accordingly

I’d walk right by her like she didn’t exist
I’d talk around her like she weren’t present
but they say you don’t know what you have until its nearly gone
& once its gone you’d be in deep regret playing the memories
over & over again like some sad song.

This day as she goes down hill she smiles even while enduring the vilest, she’d give me her last & would only feel free when I’m happy. My love is suffering & I can’t do anything about it.
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Condolences To The Bullshit

My condolences to the bullshit
May the problems rest in peace,
May my grip be retained,
May further attachments with you be
restrained, & may my composure be contained as I regain my brain that I’ve lost
In the process of loving you.
I was just another statistic I suppose, that couldn’t see the obvious, I was lost, blindfolded by all the false “I love you’s” that you’ve composed like a sweet symphony being orchestrated by an Orchestra I fell a victim of manipulation from its glorifying tone. But may the boundaries now surface as I depart from your existence.

Written By Brandon Russaw

A Great Fool

A Great Fool

Its not your fault its mine
I let myself down by thinking you were more
than just the color and quality of your skin
so that ones on me
its just that i got so lost into your fake qualities
over obsessed upon your hazel eyes
until I’ve gotten lost into the depths of your disguise
after many years of dying I’ve lost my color
I still have this blade stuck in my heart
a sharp pain that frequently occurs every fucking moment I think of you
Its torture that never seems to end, it twists, it bends, it breaks the formation of my skin
you played the part so great
you constructed your own stories like a great novelist
oh but don’t worry, your identity to the world will forever remain anonymous
but if you are ever to read this you would know that its directed towards you
its so subliminal
perfectly designed and every fucking line is extremely true
I’m holding no grudges against you
but do you know what you’ve caused?
You’ve caused insecurities within
Now anybody that comes to love me
I’d dog them and push them aside
because of your lines that weren’t actually true
lines that were used against me to get me attached to you
lines and games that clearly has me involved in this cycle
but your happy because you got what you wanted
your only fucking objective was to see me miserable  
Written By Brandon. R 

GoodBye Trimmed Poem

The most hurtful thing to awake in the morning alone
Because
The one that you loved beyond all measures, The one that you were so attached to is no longer laying beside you
Their heart is no longer present 
It freely undulates in the breeze 
Inside I wish it were only a dream
It kills because I know it isn’t
It’s like a sharp pain to the chest
Like a fool I made the wrong move
In this game of chess
I’ve lost my valuables
I’ve Gambled you away
All in one day I’ve gambled you away
I hate it “that day” has arrived, Those hurtful words
But during the midst of this all I’m trying to adjust and just say that I’ll be ok and dissolve the pain
It is so that your absence may never be solved but I’ll be ok
By the grace of God I’ll live to see another day though my day may not be as bright as yesterday by gods grace I’ll be ok 

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

Insecurities Trimmed Poem

Insecurities

When you love someone so much
But you doubt the next day
All that goes through your mind is that everyone has “their day” 
every time you speak with that person you think to yourself “this is that day”
With little to say you grow angry
As you are very perplexed and curious on why your gut keeps telling you to move on to the next
So you put this person up to some foolish test, and the answers from it shall bring out the very best, good or bad if bad you publicly announce that you’re not sad, but truthfully you’re broken inside, it is because of pride you keep that inside, you claim to aim high but truthfully you’re stuck, those latches of attachments are wrapped around you like vise grips they won’t ease up, it weighs you down in quicksand, it tears your spirit apart it devours your heart.
You’re lost into the wrong estimation
The situation was simply a miscalculation
Or is it? You’re covered in filth, simply you lay in gilt because you deeply know that if your speculations are actually wrong you’d lose that person all because you felt that “this was that day” but needless to say this is that day, finally You’ll say goodbye, wish them luck and go your separate way. *Insecurities*

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee