A Slave To The Memories

I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.

@OfficialRussaw

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

A Great Fool

A Great Fool

Its not your fault its mine
I let myself down by thinking you were more
than just the color and quality of your skin
so that ones on me
its just that i got so lost into your fake qualities
over obsessed upon your hazel eyes
until I’ve gotten lost into the depths of your disguise
after many years of dying I’ve lost my color
I still have this blade stuck in my heart
a sharp pain that frequently occurs every fucking moment I think of you
Its torture that never seems to end, it twists, it bends, it breaks the formation of my skin
you played the part so great
you constructed your own stories like a great novelist
oh but don’t worry, your identity to the world will forever remain anonymous
but if you are ever to read this you would know that its directed towards you
its so subliminal
perfectly designed and every fucking line is extremely true
I’m holding no grudges against you
but do you know what you’ve caused?
You’ve caused insecurities within
Now anybody that comes to love me
I’d dog them and push them aside
because of your lines that weren’t actually true
lines that were used against me to get me attached to you
lines and games that clearly has me involved in this cycle
but your happy because you got what you wanted
your only fucking objective was to see me miserable  
Written By Brandon. R 

GoodBye Trimmed Poem

The most hurtful thing to awake in the morning alone
Because
The one that you loved beyond all measures, The one that you were so attached to is no longer laying beside you
Their heart is no longer present 
It freely undulates in the breeze 
Inside I wish it were only a dream
It kills because I know it isn’t
It’s like a sharp pain to the chest
Like a fool I made the wrong move
In this game of chess
I’ve lost my valuables
I’ve Gambled you away
All in one day I’ve gambled you away
I hate it “that day” has arrived, Those hurtful words
But during the midst of this all I’m trying to adjust and just say that I’ll be ok and dissolve the pain
It is so that your absence may never be solved but I’ll be ok
By the grace of God I’ll live to see another day though my day may not be as bright as yesterday by gods grace I’ll be ok 

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

I’ve fallen In love with a dream (Misunderstood, Poetry)

I’ve fallen in love with a dream

Much many of my writings are sad and very depressing 

and much many of my writings along with this 

Maybe misunderstood..


Many people may read this and not understand

But, truth is I’ve become mentally attached 

to someone, to something that’s not real

My heart bleeds for it, yet it doesn’t exist 

Through many years of your non, existence I’ve grown very fond of you. 

You’re wonder because your pretty appearance

And mind blowing personality makes you beautiful

And you love me unconditionally, that alone makes me so happy

it could stretch the tic of time and last for eternity

But you see, the most twisted up thing about this is,

you don’t exist you’re just a figment of my imagination

A thought in which you’re harmony and bliss

But in reality you fail to exist. “Love”   “Misunderstood Poetry”

Poetry

Loneliness: 

Here I am long-lost and free
Here I am wandered off from who I use to be
grown very cold and numb to feelings
I am absolutely free
but what is it to be free
in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant
and vacancy strikes frequently
as vacancy begins it grows like darkness
and every moment of its existence is hoped to end
but it doesn’t, it’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum.
I hate being alone but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease
When I started expressing such freedom my social life was slowly dying,
I would lose my mind, even trying to regain any friendship
so I reminisce on past memories because that is all that I have. But, fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness.
In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of darkness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance because to be alone feels exactly like darkness.