When i don’t reply your texts only multiplies
you express how you’re not satisfied with the no reply as if it is my obligation
your placement here is no longer certified its unsecured
So I delightedly deny every invitation to chill
I’ve grown a little peculiar to those feels
sometimes in my mind i rewind those lines that you’ve used like the times you said you couldn’t live without me, and if you had to live without me you’d commit suicide because whats a life to live without me
but subside this insanity
your lies is eccentric profanity
inefficient with no validity
it is vivid stupidity which
fills the brain way passed its normal capacity
its toxicity with the abilities to turn my positivity into a negative….. So I delightedly open your messages and don’t respond
I’ve declared anti social
your calls I’ll decline
Some men would greed to see every grain of her body
& just when she shows he then exposes her body to the public
Practically “poking holes” at her naked body
Slandering her name
verbally abusing her,
& manipulating her by telling her that he loves her just to get what he want from her.
Degrading her existence
because she had an interest
But, Inarguably he should treat her as royalty
& admire her presence because her belongings is vital to our existence.
Let’s welcome her back as our rightful companion @OfficialRussaw
She said she don’t love me no more
she hit me with the “its not you its me.”
I got problems thats bigger then the both of us.
I’m so fucking sorry that you couldn’t see the uncertainty and in reality theres no equality in you and me. She said sorry, sorry theres a lot of hurt in me, but Its time to set you free
when she finished, it was much like a eulogy
rest in peace to what we use to be.
Great memories i think this is the end of me
she said we’ll always be friends you see,
But not to me, i don’t accept. You’re worse then the evilest of enemies truthfully you left me because my image didn’t vividly match the description of the image you envisioned
i would try to console you & be that ear to listen, but you’d tell me to mind my business you’d keep your distance. The absence of love has invited me to these prescriptions. My whole world was depleted & pierced from the pain created, she cutes deep.
At night i lose much sleep and when it comes to eating i have no appetite.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep surrounded by the thoughts of you.
The pain i want it to end, but it remains in continuum. Continually building & breaking the formation of my skin your absence is reality and from this reality I remain engulfed by misery. My soul is indulged in darkness
this is a reality that i wish not to be subdued to.
I feel like a fool whose captivated in a cage
and grief is on full display for the world to view all of this is motivated by you. @OfficialRussaw
You said you wanted someone of great quality, But these days great quality in personality is rare to reality. You’d settle for quantities contradicting yourself. You said you were different, but you’re just like everyone else. Love? How could you find it if you can’t define it. And how could you love with no actions behind it. You look for someone to spend a lot of your time with but, at the same time you feel commitment & attachments is a waste of time. So therefore In other words you’re looking for someone to waste a lot of time wasting their time. I am consuming your lies while you are preparing more lies at the end of your pitch fork. I am first demoralized then paralyzed, crippled by every word that you speak. But as a fool I come back for more seconds, doubles & triples because I am a statistic who has fallen hard for your bullshit. I’d submit to your every request, lord know you’re so demanding. The situation bends more depending on the pending of your many tasks & new rules of commandments. And If the image is not as vivid as you planned it I’d have to give an alibi in hopes that you’ll stay because you’re quick to say goodbye & I’m quick to break down & cry. You treat me like my weight has no matter to it, lord why? but everyone has that day they’d wake up & say they’ve had it, enough is enough time to leave you like a classic. On this day you’d say how everyone’s worthless, you’d complain about them not being as flexible & how everyone tends to give up on you, but truthfully you brought this on you. You chased everyone off who was ever nice to you. Cheated & treated like a slave because they really liked you, you’d push them off for someone who’d physically engage in fights with you, someone who doesn’t want to spend a life with you, who’s only interest is engaging in one nights with you. This is my goodbye to you. Written by Brandon. R @OfficialRussaw
If only you knew of this forbidden fruit that you are about to bite into,
But you don’t know so you quickly indulges into,
something more pleasurable you thought would ease your mental.
You thought it would best rescue you from numbness that you have adventured into,
due to all the pain you’ve been through.
So you rely on the juice to please you.
Infatuated with the moment,
obsessed with its existence.
You grow anxious, tempted to touch it
your hands get shaky, your words keep stuttering
your mind keeps wondering on how it taste.
As your teeth pierces through, it gushes every liter of its poisonous juice, transferring straight to you.
Paralyzing your brain with every dose of its contamination.
the parasitic bug spreads like an untreatable disease.
It kills your alert and awareness,
it fools you to think that all is well,
but nothing is well. In this reality your problems only seem to multiply and swell
If you would’ve known that this forbidden fruit
couldn’t save you because this fruit is as hurt as you. @OfficialRussaw
I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.
You told me that you loved me, you made me feel that my presence was important
you said without me you’d be broken.
& then there came month 26 on that day you left me for someone who was more smoother skin & had more money than. On that day you said maybe we should be just friends. I guess they was just better than & i guess our situation was just for pretend.
Now I’m left broken over contemplating about you, sadly the broken grows when I’m more lost in these thoughts. Pride only allows me to go out when the precipitation is heavy. The rain becomes one with the tears that drip from my eyes it camouflages so no one notices that I’m feeling troubled. At every hour the pain seems to double. They say the pain will soon subside just go outside experience a sunny day, but its like I’m crippled, currently disabled, unable to be as mobile. I need someone by my side to help me reach the outside where the sun shines so bright & the night just never seems to awake. On the inside I’m hurting, i feel that i am the burden. Times like this brings forth the biggest confusion i want love, but then again i feel that i don’t need to be fused with a single soul so i push everyone away because of the pain that i still feel from that day. I’m over here suffering while you’re only out to fuck & mistreat, everyone thinks you’re a good person, but no one knows like I know the secrets you keep lowkey.
My Twitter Accounts: @RetroLove__ & @OfficialRussaw
These days our words have become brief, we struggle to hold a conversation
it seems that you’ve lost interest
you tell me its nothing, but I ain’t stupid I know its something,
you say its complicated.
The bullshit contain it you see i know its somebody else that holds your attention
so you can resume deflecting, back peddling and stuttering while
yelling with your explanations. You’ve gotten yourself into a sticky situation.
The complication is birthed whenever
you start to break down those so called “facts” theoretically, trying to persuade me to believe that this isn’t that. You want me to overlook the obvious and pretend that your wrong doings didn’t exist, you want me to be stupid. What a waste of air when your facts is fornicated. Worthless half told truths, you can save it. Fact is you fucked somebody else while i fought for your attention, you turned your back on this relationship. But i’ve put myself in this wicked position i should’ve left you when i had that gut feeling. Now I’m stuck with these feelings.
Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__
All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.
Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__
Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.