Our Words Have Become Brief

These days  our words have become brief, we struggle to hold a conversation
it seems that you’ve lost interest
you tell me its nothing, but I ain’t stupid I know its something,
you say its complicated.
The bullshit contain it you see i know its somebody else that holds your attention
so you can resume deflecting, back peddling and stuttering while
yelling with your explanations. You’ve gotten yourself into a sticky situation.
The complication is birthed whenever
you start to break down those so called “facts” theoretically, trying to persuade me to believe that this isn’t that. You want me to overlook the obvious and pretend that your wrong doings didn’t exist, you want me to be stupid. What a waste of air when your facts is fornicated. Worthless half told truths, you can save it. Fact is you fucked somebody else while i fought for your attention, you turned your back on this relationship. But i’ve put myself in this wicked position i should’ve left you when i had that gut feeling. Now I’m stuck with these feelings.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

 

 

Our Situation Is Complicated

All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__

I Do Not Love Unconditionally

Unconditional love doesn’t exist, only the thought.  We humans don’t express unconditional love, We love to an extent. We’d love until we have grown tired of something then we’d pack up and call it quits. We’d leave the thing we had vowed to love “unconditionally”.

If we did loved unconditionally we’d (always) forgive, Even if the person chooses to hurt us purposely we’d never love them less, This kind of love is only expressed by god at this point.

I do not love unconditionally, I love strong to an extent, because I’d leave when trouble has become to much. “I Am Human, Not God.”

Twitter: @RetroLove__

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw