Toxicity

When i don’t reply your texts only multiplies
you express how you’re not satisfied with the no reply as if it is my obligation
your placement here is no longer certified its unsecured
So I delightedly deny every invitation to chill
I’ve grown a little peculiar to those feels
sometimes in my mind i rewind those lines that you’ve used like the times you said you couldn’t live without me, and if you had to live without me you’d commit suicide because whats a life to live without me
but subside this insanity
your lies is eccentric profanity
inefficient with no validity
it is vivid stupidity which
fills the brain way passed its normal capacity
its toxicity with the abilities to turn my positivity into a negative….. So I delightedly open your messages and don’t respond
I’ve declared anti social
your calls I’ll decline

Twitter @OfficialRussaw

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Her Belongings is vital to our existence

Some men would greed to see every grain of her body
& just when she shows he then exposes her body to the public
Practically “poking holes” at her naked body
Slandering her name
verbally abusing her,
misusing her,
Confusing her
& manipulating her by telling her that he loves her just to get what he want from her.
Degrading her existence
because she had an interest
But, Inarguably he should treat her as royalty
& admire her presence because her belongings is vital to our existence.
Let’s welcome her back as our rightful companion @OfficialRussaw

Her Absence

She said she don’t love me no more
she hit me with the “its not you its me.”
I got problems thats bigger then the both of us.
I’m so fucking sorry that you couldn’t see the uncertainty and in reality theres no equality in you and me. She said sorry, sorry theres a lot of hurt in me, but Its time to set you free
when she finished, it was much like a eulogy
rest in peace to what we use to be.
Great memories i think this is the end of me
she said we’ll always be friends you see,
But not to me, i don’t accept. You’re worse then the evilest of enemies truthfully you left me because my image didn’t vividly match the description of the image you envisioned
i would try to console you & be that ear to listen, but you’d tell me to mind my business you’d keep your distance. The absence of love has invited me to these prescriptions. My whole world was depleted & pierced from the pain created, she cutes deep.
At night i lose much sleep and when it comes to eating i have no appetite.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep surrounded by the thoughts of you.
The pain i want it to end, but it remains in continuum. Continually building & breaking the formation of my skin your absence is reality and from this reality I remain engulfed by misery. My soul is indulged in darkness
this is a reality that i wish not to be subdued to.
I feel like a fool whose captivated in a cage
and grief is on full display for the world to view all of this is motivated by you. @OfficialRussaw

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GoodBye To You

You said you wanted someone of great quality, But these days great quality in personality is rare to reality. You’d settle for quantities contradicting yourself. You said you were different, but you’re just like everyone else. Love? How could you find it if you can’t define it. And how could you love with no actions behind it. You look for someone to spend a lot of your time with but, at the same time you feel commitment & attachments is a waste of time. So therefore In other words you’re looking for someone to waste a lot of time wasting their time. I am consuming your lies while you are preparing more lies at the end of your pitch fork. I am first demoralized then paralyzed, crippled by every word that you speak. But as a fool I come back for more seconds, doubles & triples because I am a statistic who has fallen hard for your bullshit. I’d submit to your every request, lord know you’re so demanding. The situation bends more depending on the pending of your many tasks & new rules of commandments. And If the image is not as vivid as you planned it I’d have to give an alibi in hopes that you’ll stay because you’re quick to say goodbye & I’m quick to break down & cry. You treat me like my weight has no matter to it, lord why? but everyone has that day they’d wake up & say they’ve had it, enough is enough time to leave you like a classic. On this day you’d say how everyone’s worthless, you’d complain about them not being as flexible & how everyone tends to give up on you, but truthfully you brought this on you. You chased everyone off who was ever nice to you. Cheated & treated like a slave because they really liked you, you’d push them off for someone who’d physically engage in fights with you, someone who doesn’t want to spend a life with you, who’s only interest is engaging in one nights with you. This is my goodbye to you.  Written by Brandon. R  @OfficialRussaw

Forbidden Fruits

*Forbidden Fruits*

If only you knew of this forbidden fruit that you are about to bite into,
But you don’t know so you quickly indulges into,
something more pleasurable you thought would ease your mental.
You thought it would best rescue you from numbness that you have adventured into,
due to all the pain you’ve been through.
So you rely on the juice to please you.
Infatuated with the moment,
obsessed with its existence.
You grow anxious, tempted to touch it
your hands get shaky, your words keep stuttering
your mind keeps wondering on how it taste.
As your teeth pierces through, it gushes every liter of its poisonous juice, transferring straight to you.
Paralyzing your brain with every dose of its contamination.
the parasitic bug spreads like an untreatable disease.
It kills your alert and awareness,
it fools you to think that all is well,
but nothing is well. In this reality your problems only seem to multiply and swell
If you would’ve known that this forbidden fruit
couldn’t save you because this fruit is as hurt as you. @OfficialRussaw

A Great Fool

Its not your fault its mine
I let myself down by thinking you were more
than just the color and quality of your skin
so that ones on me
its just that i got so lost into your fake qualities
over obsessed upon your hazel eyes
until I’ve gotten lost into the depths of your disguise
after many years of dying I’ve lost my color
I still have this blade stuck in my heart
a sharp pain that frequently occurs every fucking moment I think of you
Its torture that never seems to end, it twists, it bends, it breaks the formation of my skin
you played the part so great
you constructed your own stories like a great novelist
oh but don’t worry, your identity to the world will forever remain anonymous
but if you are ever to read this you would know that its directed towards you
its so subliminal
perfectly designed and every fucking line is extremely true
I’m holding no grudges against you
but do you know what you’ve caused?
You’ve caused insecurities within
Now anybody that comes to love me
I’d dog them and push them aside
because of your lines that weren’t actually true
lines that were used against me to get me attached to you
lines and games that clearly has me involved in this cycle
but your happy because you got what you wanted
your only fucking objective was to see me miserable  Written By Brandon. R 

GoodBye Trimmed Poem

The most hurtful thing to awake in the morning alone
Because
The one that you loved beyond all measures, The one that you were so attached to is no longer laying beside you
Their heart is no longer present 
It freely undulates in the breeze 
Inside I wish it were only a dream
It kills because I know it isn’t
It’s like a sharp pain to the chest
Like a fool I made the wrong move
In this game of chess
I’ve lost my valuables
I’ve Gambled you away
All in one day I’ve gambled you away
I hate it “that day” has arrived, Those hurtful words
But during the midst of this all I’m trying to adjust and just say that I’ll be ok and dissolve the pain
It is so that your absence may never be solved but I’ll be ok
By the grace of God I’ll live to see another day though my day may not be as bright as yesterday by gods grace I’ll be ok 

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

Insecurities Trimmed Poem

Insecurities

When you love someone so much
But you doubt the next day
All that goes through your mind is that everyone has “their day” 
every time you speak with that person you think to yourself “this is that day”
With little to say you grow angry
As you are very perplexed and curious on why your gut keeps telling you to move on to the next
So you put this person up to some foolish test, and the answers from it shall bring out the very best, good or bad if bad you publicly announce that you’re not sad, but truthfully you’re broken inside, it is because of pride you keep that inside, you claim to aim high but truthfully you’re stuck, those latches of attachments are wrapped around you like vise grips they won’t ease up, it weighs you down in quicksand, it tears your spirit apart it devours your heart.
You’re lost into the wrong estimation
The situation was simply a miscalculation
Or is it? You’re covered in filth, simply you lay in gilt because you deeply know that if your speculations are actually wrong you’d lose that person all because you felt that “this was that day” but needless to say this is that day, finally You’ll say goodbye, wish them luck and go your separate way. *Insecurities*

Written By Brandon. R (OfficalBee) 

Connect with me on Twitter: @RetroLove__

SnapChat: OfficalBee

💦Phonetics Pleasures💦|The Poem|Trimmed Version

Phonetics Pleasures  💦😜👅

Was it worth the wait?

Baby you can confide in me
so “cum” here, lay next to me
I can be your ecstasy
I can be your mental flame
fulling your dreams and killing your pain
I can be your medication
or your forbidden temptation
so fuck procrastinating, a little dosage of this penetration
will fill up those walls with sensation
so lets get lost in these possibilities and surrender to serenity
as you lay I gently stroke my finger down your spine
goose bumps appears like surprise
as your body rocks and trembles
you scream out in falsetto as in a sudden shock
you’ve underestimated my capabilities
when I’m done caressing your spine and kissing your neck
imma lay you on your back
and lick you from chest to navel
imma do whats next
imma get you slippery wet
as i indulge in between your thighs
you become lost and hypnotized
your eyes begin to roll and your body,
you lose complete control
this “medication” helps you meditate
it’ll take you to a forgotten place that very few people have been
now sit back and contemplate, was it ever worth the wait? -Brandon R @OfficialRussaw

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed my ‪#‎Poetry‬, 👅😈😎

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

‪

King Of Her Jungle|The Poem💦😈👅

KING OF HER JUNGLE

My soul’s temple be her “mother ship”
As she climbs on top of it
She get lost in her thoughts of insecurities 
So she holds on tight, taking precaution on not loosing her grip for she thought that she may slip and when she slip I may dip 
But that wasn’t the case, it was all insecurities, assumptions if you may 
So on top she stay and endured every inch of my thickness 
My wrath be her addiction, her addiction is pure sickness so says the modern day Christian 
As she feels the true powers of my wrath 
She stumbles as the thunder rumbles 
She tries to hold on in a desperate attempt to keep up but she notices her ground below begins to crumble 
She falls through and her body begins to tumble as she tumbles down a broken cliff her body starts to shake and Trimble and her words began to mumble a little then she scream out “Oooohhhhhh” in falsetto as she falls down some metaphorical cliff 
At the hands of my wrath, I be known as king of her jungle

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Squeeze My Troubles Free| The Poem| Trimmed Version

Squeeze My Troubles Free

I walk in a lonely path 

By a lonely creek 
Looking at broken glass 
Shattered all over the streets 
Each shattered glass represents memories of a painful past 
Look at last I’m free, I’m free!
At least that’s what it seems to be
In this life I’m only temporarily free
Pain seems to have just came and completely subdued me
I’m captivated in its presence and terrified by its ongoing memories
I can never be at any sort of ease
It just seems that maybe if i put the eagle to my head and just squeeeeezzze….. my troubles will be free 
Free at last 

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Suck In The Pain Like Oxygen|The Poem|Trimmed Version

Suck in the pain like oxygen

Suck in the pain like oxygen

And fake a smile like a phenomenal actor execute’s a movie script
Have A celebration of acceleration
But don’t celebrate
You pretend to be happy but in reality 
You suffocate from deceleration
As your body creeps through a lonely like street
The pain “lies” so deep it burns as if it came straight from the barrel of the heat
It penetrate so deep through your temple, it fucks up your mental
Tears through your flesh and destroys your physical as you Pretend to be joyful

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Halo|The Poem|Trimmed Version

HALO

HALO 😇

Halo, halo, just how many people can remain angels around a bunch of Devils
Hello, hello she said hello to the fellow demon dressed in yellow with a mouth full of metal

He came in disguise
He was everything that she fantasized 
So she got Mellow, legs turned jello in the presence of this handsome young fellow but if she only knew that she was looking into the eyes of a devil 

He hypnotized her by the slurred of his word
He fed her many lies and she stayed consuming while he held out his pitch fork she came back for more and more thirds maybe, fourths, doubles turn into triples creating more of a ripple
He persuaded her to up the tempo, change her style a little and damage her temple she was mentally crippled

 Speaking of mental illness she’d kill for this guy, grabbing the metal and taking his pills she’d take the spill for this guy lock on any target and tell the fool goodbye.
She was blind to “the obvious” her eyes just couldn’t see the facts that “this wasn’t that” infact she was so twisted up mentally she had facts mixed up with fiction you see
He brutalized her mentally and it showed physically
Her heart was the “Play” and on a brighter day her soul remains in the hospital

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Abandoned|The Poem|Trimmed Version

ABANDONED 

I’ve lost my grip, I’ve lost my way, I’ve seen things that i wish were only a dream 

deep within my life, it’s wished only to be a dream and once awaken I find my life has not been     forsaken yet at every moment reality weighs in on me

it has a tragic effect pushing me right when I should be going left 

to reality I’m far in dept I’m just that slave that reality looks to collect 

to me it seems my deity has abandon me

 

As my temple deplete my soul seems to remain in pain’s captivity  

but hear this with all of this occurring I’ve finally found my bliss 

fortunately it comes in the form of beauty but unfortunately in such relations its distance is close propinquity to death here I indulges in it’s sinful fruits over looking what will be its conclusions because it’s pleasures is as overwhelming

Here i lay blinded to the facts that this situation is in the vicinity of temporary, a situation that I’ve come to truly treasure, foolish me thinking it would last forever, what a mistake to have drowned in it’s darkened pleasures, pleasures that reality have come to completely rebuttal with  

I lay with deceased dignity as my only sense of joy has come to subside

with a perplexing amount guilt that’s built up so high my only solution is to die 

if you were to ask me am I happy? I would quickly respond with a lie 

on this outside it seems like prison but in reality I’m free, mentally 

  

My soul seems as an ocean without any form of permanent structure 

my soul undulates in the breeze   

as tough as life may seem, reality has come to remind me 

that I’m only temporary free on the outside but on the inside of my temple where my mental resides I remain forever free 

so while the pain is in continuum, in my thoughts I shall remain Abandoned. 

Written By I, Brandon. R also known as SpokenTruth

OfficalBee

IF YOU SHARE HASTAG #SpokenTruthsPoetry 

And follow me on twitter @RetroLove__ Two underscores

Sip From My Soul (The Short Poem)

Sip From My Soul (The Short Poem)

Here take a sip of this, life
and get lost in the dark abyss
experience some joyful pleasures
that life may soon rebuttal with
soon after it, embrace the rain of pain
that leaves puddles of guilt
let the puddles continue to grow filth
and drown into a murky ocean
let the seas be parted but, not by the grace of a good heart
let the seas be depleted as the part creates a path for contamination
that unstable’s a noble heart
let a storm of regret build a form of hatred
as happiness is swept away from a nation
hope is allowed to dry as it remains as a raisin bruised by the baking sun
take a sip of my life feel the continuum of pain as it remains and explain to me what exactly is so spontaneous to
be blinded truthfully because your eyes lack its ableness to see reality.
If you will by the time you’ve experienced all of what I feel
you’d be physically exhausted and mentally ill
as you indulge into my experiences you’d be broken from an hour of its occurrences

A river of memories “The Poem”

Memories:

to look back on a day, on a time, to look back at a place that’s not there anymore
though its presence fails to exist I can still see it vividly as if it’s still there as it was years ago
for a fraction of a moment my eyes play a bitter trick on me, my eyes still see it as if it still resides, I’m lost focusing on this one moment of time and the friction of it is all time has moved on while I remain stuck in the past for this moment in time memories seem to be all that I have. Questions and regret soon began to emerge inside, why must I reminisce, why must I remember everything as if it was harmony and bliss the very prideful me tried hard to forget but these thoughts seemed to be too relentless so here I am, I come to accept it I’ve now put pride completely aside no more will I use the rain to cover up the tears that drips from my eyes these memories have lured into a very vulnerable part of my temple leading all the way down to my soul that is why now I am admitting I miss it, I miss everything about it, while it was in this time I wish I could have more acknowledged it but I didn’t so here I lay stuck with memories that never seem to fade completely away, memories that seem so real to reality on the tangible side it seems as if I can reach right out and grab it, I suffer mentally and it shows in every aspect of my physical being. ~Memories~

Poetry – Watch Who You’re Fucking With|Trimmed Version

Infatuated 

The only thing that caught his eye was her body, the stroke of her waist line immediately he acknowledges he wants her so he uses so many corny ass pickup lines just to get in between her thighs he told her many lies and the crazy thing is she believed it because it was all the things that she wanted to hear so within the same day she offers him a shot at a “real relationship”

because the qualification of his appearance was all that she needed, for that she bled all of her feelings out and fell in love within a week. To her, his appearance was life which contributed to her weakness, you know he was the cute type, the type that made most chicks gullible overnight

you see he knew that he had got her the first moment he acquired her visuals ever since that moment he plotted against her he had one goal in mind and that was to break her wall of boundaries down and believe me that task wasn’t easy for him it took time but he didn’t give a fuck he just wanted his nut so he began torturing her mind by feeding her all type of lies in time he grew bored with her and soon began to explore his great departure

after years of being mind fucked she’s completely used up, in a desperate attempt she tries to obtain his attention just for a little bit she opens up and expresses herself but of course he don’t wanna listen to none of it so she breaks down and cry and he replies with some cold shit “you crazy bitch” she grabs a knife and says I’ll show you crazy my nigga you don’t know who you fucking with

long story short she catches him and slices off his penis, like it wasn’t shit and fucks him in his ass with his own dick, now ain’t that some shit. the moral of this story is watch who you fucking with

Thank you all for reading I hope you all enjoyed reading my post. Stay tuned there will be more. Also I do apologize for the foul language I chose to use in my poem, I just believe it shouldn’t be any boundaries when it comes to writing and telling stories. Freedom Expressed! 🙏

Down By The Corner|Poetry| |Trimmed version|

Down by the corner where the destruction is laid upon us

where the hatred within is fierce among us where the dope man is idolized by the young and viewed as a man of honor. On the corner where the war is misleading and barbaric 

where the bombs burst and sirens fill the air creating an illusion only some of us unfortunate humans are a part of this confusion.

Down by the corner where the heroine rules the mind, on the corner where the crack baby resides where the mother with “no eyes” continues to remain blind hitting that pipe as it is her addiction several hits at a time 

on the corner where “My Kind” are often victims of police brutalities where the media switches it up and tries to make “Us” look as if we committed such crime.. ~Brandon Russaw

Be sure to follow me on Twitter @OfficialRussaw

 

Insecurities (Poetry)

I thought to write you a corny little letter

I’d begin this letter with

Roses are red, violets are blue

For you, I’m madly deeply ashamed of you,

wait a second, that’s not true its obvious that I’m over-obsessed with you

the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you move, the way you dance, the way you groove

I’m in love with you but, you’ll never know because I’ll never show

so I’ll forever pretend that I hate you

but fatal truth is I simply can’t live without you it just seems I lack breathing whenever you’re not In my presence  

see my love for you is very strange, extremely deranged filled with anger and often controlled by raged

though I’ve never abused you the thought of you with someone else grows and have a negative effect on my everyday activities these insecurities live within and was birthed by the thought of you with someone else

So I’ll pretend that I hate you, my love for you, I’ll never show

because of these thoughts that always seems to get in the way of our growth, I am submerged in these insecurities or maybe I just need therapy

This is just a short poetic story it is not nor never have been a true situation In my life, but for others, this may have happened if so or if not this writing is just for fun so enjoy.

Also, note this simple quote from me “If You Can’t Trust Em You Shouldn’t Be With Em“

Dangerous Love (Poetry)

Dangerous Love

Why do you feel,

that you’re someone who no one will ever like

to go along in life pretending that your alright

when in reality your drowning in pain

Your face stay drenched in tears

mainly over the same thing, someone left you a long time ago

simply because you did not fulfill the thoughts of being a perfect person

can you believe this shit, You spent many years building up your self-confidence

only to have them crushed down by that one person

who told you, you’re no one’s dream nor treasure

so therefore you have no placement in this world and soon after hearing that bullshit

you allow your whole world to turn into darkness,

you then start to hate every fucking moment of your existence

in, that moment nothing seems to really make much sense

and instead of living life you hide in darkness because you’re so ashamed of who you are

you’re mentally broken and sadden you feel that you can’t ever be of any great quality

but who is he or she to say you’re not special,

if only you knew

but you don’t know so you constantly reject the fact that you’re wonderful

it hurts my soul because it seems you’ll never know

your very lovable so please put down that blade

and pay close attention to your magnificent indifference’s which makes you beautiful

Instead of embracing this fact that you are beautiful

You’ve braced yourself and built upon numbness

because you’re brainwashed with thoughts

that a heartless world would survive

but deep down inside you still wishes that someone could love you

someone, no other than this one person that dogged you

you find yourself pointlessly waiting by the phone, waiting for this person to call you

to say to you they’ve made a big mistake by leaving you

but you soon come to your senses

you realized this is nearly impossible, that is something that they’ll never do

by now you’ve grown tired of the same pain

by now you feel your only resort is for death to rescue you

with the scares still burning she weeps

she lets the blade lay deep within her skin

and the only thing she had left in her hand was a note

May she rest peacefully “I hope”

A Slave To The Memories

I think about you all the fucking time
every since the day you left,
my mind has been fixed on your existence.
I grow anxiously tempted to hit your line,
but i hesitate because i know it’ll be a waste of time. I rewind the clock for a bit and start to reminisce about the good shit
mostly all of our experiences were heavily bliss. Who would have known that you’d pull off a miraculous disappearance trick. These days the thought of you grows stronger & the hour gets longer. You left me to be obsessively burned by the heat of your no return. As your absence prolongs I become a raisin bruised by the baking sun or that crop who wishes that the rain would come. I get a little delusional now days its usuals. These days i think i need therapy as i continuously hear your voice whispering to me I feel your presence as if you’re right next to me, but in reality you’re no where near my vicinity. You’ve widely contributed to the change of my activities. Throughout the day I can’t eat & I don’t do any of the things i use to. I guess I’m just not use to the thought of living without you. You’d think my troubles would ease at night, but it don’t it just repeats, overlaps & doubles when i lose sleep. I lay awake at the latest time flicking through photographs that i have sworn to delete. Here lies the strangest fatality
i am a slave to these memories who’s far in debt to reality.

@OfficialRussaw

Because Of That Day

You told me that you loved me, you made me feel that my presence was important
you said without me you’d be broken.
& then there came month 26 on that day you left me for someone who was more smoother skin & had more money than. On that day you said maybe we should be just friends. I guess they was just better than & i guess our situation was just for pretend.
Now I’m left broken over contemplating about you, sadly the broken grows when I’m more lost in these thoughts. Pride only allows me to go out when the precipitation is heavy. The rain becomes one with the tears that drip from my eyes it camouflages so no one notices that I’m feeling troubled. At every hour the pain seems to double. They say the pain will soon subside just go outside experience a sunny day, but its like I’m crippled, currently disabled, unable to be as mobile. I need someone by my side to help me reach the outside where the sun shines so bright & the night just never seems to awake. On the inside I’m hurting, i feel that i am the burden. Times like this brings forth the biggest confusion i want love, but then again i feel that i don’t need to be fused with a single soul so i push everyone away because of the pain that i still feel from that day. I’m over here suffering while you’re only out to fuck & mistreat, everyone thinks you’re a good person, but no one knows like I know the secrets you keep lowkey.

My Twitter Accounts: @RetroLove__  & @OfficialRussaw

Our Words Have Become Brief

These days  our words have become brief, we struggle to hold a conversation
it seems that you’ve lost interest
you tell me its nothing, but I ain’t stupid I know its something,
you say its complicated.
The bullshit contain it you see i know its somebody else that holds your attention
so you can resume deflecting, back peddling and stuttering while
yelling with your explanations. You’ve gotten yourself into a sticky situation.
The complication is birthed whenever
you start to break down those so called “facts” theoretically, trying to persuade me to believe that this isn’t that. You want me to overlook the obvious and pretend that your wrong doings didn’t exist, you want me to be stupid. What a waste of air when your facts is fornicated. Worthless half told truths, you can save it. Fact is you fucked somebody else while i fought for your attention, you turned your back on this relationship. But i’ve put myself in this wicked position i should’ve left you when i had that gut feeling. Now I’m stuck with these feelings.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

 

 

Our Situation Is Complicated

All these text messages but none equivalent to yours
you been away for a bit, these days you claim to be the busiest
i barely hear from you anymore
Sometimes I think of stopping and knocking at your fucking door
surprise pop ups & text messages like “Hey I miss you”,
but i refuse to because i hate to bug you
and just when we do talk we just never seem to situate the issue
because lately I’d bite my words & beat around the bush as much as possible
pretending to be okay when really I’m not okay.
So up goes the confusion here is the biggest issues
I miss you, but I’d stray away from conversing with you because i don’t want the conversation to turn into devastation
you know how we get.. into arguments that seem to escalade from zero to 50 quick.
It seems that every time I share my feelings you get livid
So I keep my words as brief as possible
because these days I grow aggravated when you misunderstand,
& you get annoyed when i try to make you comprehend
I become very agitated, & frustrated because you’re irritated. Our situation is just the epitome of complication
I love you…. but then again…. we are in a complicated situation that continually grow more out of hand.

Brandon Russaw Twitter: @RetroLove__

Numb

Here I am, “The newer me.” Wondered off from who I use to be, I’ve grown very cold and numb to feelings. I am absolutely free, but what is it to be free? in such freedom everyone is just temporary and distant & vacancy strikes frequently. As vacancy begins it grows like darkness and every moment of it’s existence is hoped to end, but it doesn’t. It’s rough like edges seems as an unconditional growth that remains in continuum. I hate being alone, but in such freedom that I adventure, loneliness strikes like an untreatable disease. I Find myself trapped in darkness reminiscing the past, memories is all that I have. The most fucked up thing is pretending not to give a shit and to feel so protected by my own numbness. In the beginning, sure we all say to be alone really don’t make that much of a difference but once we’re actually alone we feel the true effects of emptiness, as if we’re lost into a pit with no assistance. To be alone feels exactly like darkness.

Spoken Truths

Brandon Russaw

Twitter: @RetroLove__